'Being a working mum is not easy. You have to be willing to screw up at every level' Jami Gertz

Can we really have it all?

All you Working Mums out there, I’m feeling you this week… and every week! The never ending juggling act that can feel exhausting. Some weeks you get in your groove: you remember to put money on your kids lunch card; dinners are made; you see the bottom of your laundry basket (what’s that look like?). But it doesn’t take much to throw things out of kilter: a sick child; school holidays; a nightmare morning trying to get everyone out the door on time.

My week has been one of the latter types of weeks. I did forget to put money on my kid’s lunch card and my diary had to be reshuffled twice to make room for emergency appointments for one of my Daughters. The first thing to suffer in my house is always the dinners. In fact my lack of culinary skills has become a long standing joke in our house… I can live with that.

Being self employed is great and the flexibility works really well around the family. It’s a massive bonus when it comes to fitting around the unexpected needs of the kids. I remember getting so stressed about taking time off for what seemed like endless different appointments for the little ones. The downside of working from home is that often the lines between family and home life become blurred - the boundaries not quite well enough defined yet.

Perhaps then the benefits of working a 9-5 is that there is a clear boundary between home and work. However, I also know from experience that doesn’t mean Mums aren’t mentally taking their work home and stressing about a work situation whilst trying to put the kids to bed. Then there’s the mums who work part-time but take extra work home or try to squeeze a full-time job into the part-time hours.

What about the inverse? The Mum at work trying to concentrate on the job she’s being paid to do and in the back of her mind she’s feeling guilty about the way she spoke to the kids on the school run, missing out on a school event or leaving her child at home with a childminder when they are unwell.

It can be really hard to separate home life and work life - it’s like putting on different hats and sometimes the hats get all mixed up and you feel guilty for wearing one hat instead of the other.

In our society we’re now told Women can have it all, and we absolutely can.

Women can run their own businesses or become the CEO of a company. We are telling our Daughters that whatever they want is possible, and not just within the traditional gender roles.

However, do we end up paying the price when we get it all - the career and the family? Can they really co-exist in harmony or are we being unrealistic to the detriment of our own mental wellbeing?

Of course it’s not all bad. I think it’s important to consciously shift any feelings of guilt into appreciation. Appreciation for all the things your work is bringing to your life. There’s the salary for a start.

Then there’s the sense of fulfilment and achievement that comes from your employment - a sense of purpose outside the role of Mum. Being a Mum is the greatest blessing, but it can be easy to lose your sense of self if that’s all you feel you ever are.

Many Mums also find solace in the social side of work. Just think how often you’ve heard someone say that they come to work for a break. Although often said in jest, there is always some truth in there.

There is no right or wrong and everybody has a different experience. However, there will be similar themes that run through those experiences. Guilt and burnout being top of the list for many Working Mums.

How do we begin to fix this? Maybe it’s about letting ourselves off the hook a bit more. To stop mentally beating ourselves up when we drop the ball now and again. I think a lot of Mums could benefit from lowering their standards and expectations of themselves just a little bit. Compromises will have to be made along the way, but when is this not part of life?

There is no one perfect formula for parenting, or for managing the work/family balance. But surely if we have the best of intentions and unconditional love for our kids, then that has to be enough.