What are we all missing in our search for Self-Worth?

Self-worth is described as a sense of one’s own value as a human being. So how do you measure your sense of value? Do you think you have a healthy level of self-worth?

Whether we realise it or not, many of us struggle with low self-worth in some or all areas of our life. There’s an epidemic of unworthiness at the root of modern culture. An epidemic that fuels mental health problems, addictions, eating disorders, low self-esteem and disconnection.

Our culture has taught us to seek our self-worth outside of ourselves. It’s as if we have to prove it to the world by doing things and achieving things and looking a certain way. We compare ourselves to others constantly and we decide if we are good enough in comparison to someone else.

The family you grew up in, the experiences you had as a child, the way you look, how you performed academically or in sports, your qualifications, how much money you earn, the status of your job, the relationships you have, the number of likes on social media – these are but a few of the constant comparisons we make in order to determine our worthiness. And they often leave us feeling inadequate.

But what if none of it was true? What if you had been fed the same lie on repeat for years on end, your whole life even? You believed it was necessary to earn and prove your worth, it felt true in every part of your being… except it is false. As Brene Brown said, ‘there are no prerequisites to worthiness.’

Worthiness is not dependent on what you have done, what you have achieved, what you own, what you look like… despite what you have been taught. We are all trying to plug the worthiness gap in all the wrong places. Instead we have to look deep inside ourselves, challenging the beliefs our ego has fuelled for so long. The ego loves your sense of unworthiness, it thrives on your suffering and self-criticism - it feeds on it like oxygen to a flame.

Only when you are able to detach your self-worth from the external, will you be able plug the gap to find wholeness - that unshakable knowing at your core that you are worthy, that you are enough and that your life and dreams are of value.

You were born into this world whole and innocent and equal to all other humans, despite the circumstances of your birth and how your life has unfolded. We are all on our own unique path, we are all here for our own unique lessons.

Are you endlessly searching for something you will never find outside of you? You won’t find it in that promotion, that money in the bank, that body, that partner, that qualification. All of this is impermanent and if it were stripped away tomorrow – who would you be? What would be left? Who is the 'You' that is untouched by anything outside of you?

As Byron Katie says, ‘who would you be without your story?’. Is yours a story of success or of failure, a story of overcoming adversity or being struck down by adversity? The web you have spun for yourself is your own trap. You have made limiting decisions about who you are and put a label on your self-worth.

A limiting belief about your self-worth might feel fixed. But a belief is something you believe to be true and most often that belief is not actually founded in truth. Nonetheless it drives the sense of lack within us. Maybe you run at full speed, running away from that pervading, underlying sense of not good enough, trying to prove to everyone that you are worthy. The overachievers, the perfectionists, the people pleasers.

We search in others for that validation, looking to our bosses, our partners, social media and many other sources, asking to be told we are worthy. But looking in the wrong place for your sense of worth means this running can never stop. The goal posts move further and further away as we strive to keep up - the perpetual unworthiness catching at our heels.

Or maybe you don’t run because you can’t. The weight of your unworthiness drags like a chain behind you, reminding you every chance it gets that you aren't and never will be good enough. A whisper in your ear reminding you that you don’t deserve the things you need or want. Paralysed by fear of rejection, shame or depression. You don’t even try anymore, what’s the point? You stay where you are, crippled by self-doubt and lost in your shadow of unworthiness. The more you listen to the whisper, the more it’s mistaken for the voice of truth.

What if you waved a magic wand and instead of getting all the things you thought you wanted, nothing changed apart from your sense of worthiness? If you were filled with worthiness how would you feel, what would you do? What would be different in your life? Would you love more, open up more, let people in more? Would you see the world differently? No longer a fearful place filled with harsh judgement, but a place where you can easily be yourself and make meaningful connections with others. Your sense of worthiness positively impacting everyone you meet and allowing them to open up to their own worthiness. Imagine what a gift that would be.

Imagine living from this place of good enough and learning how to stop searching for worthiness in all the wrong places. Everyone is equally deserving, and if we began to truly live from this place, so much of our suffering would end.

To do this we need to connect to our true sense of self, the knowing that who we are at our core is incomparable and whole. Go within to find the sense of self, unlimited by external factors. We all have access to this place within us and I am passionate about helping people find it. If we all committed to that journey of going inwards, life would be so much more joyful.

Linda x